Taz has crossed..........

Taz
(I love this picture of him, just wish I looked better!)
10/22/98 - 10/7/10

the "Rainbow Bridge".

Last night, although Taz didn't want to eat much for us, he came in the family room and "played" on the couch with that little fuzzy green toy he likes. We spent some time with him before he went back to his closet. When we went to bed, we put him on the foot of the bed.

I woke up this morning at 2:30. Taz was crouching at the foot of the bed. He doesn't lay too much anymore. I patted the bed next to me and he made his way up. Jason was laying next to my legs. Taz came up on my chest for just a short time and I rubbed his face and head. Then he looked up at the food near the headboard that I keep there for him. He went to it and I think I heard him crunching, but not much. Then he came back and settled down next to me. My left arm was across the side of the bed and he settled across it. His tummy felt hot and my arm was cool. It may have felt good, but I thought it might get uncomfortable for him. Still he was settled and I didn't want to move. With my left hand I could still rub his face and head. For a long time I rubbed him and he pushed into my hand. Then he put his head down. My hand stopped rubbing, but I had his head in my hand. Usually his body shows every breath he takes, but his body got very still. I thought he was gone, but I didn't want to move yet. Then one of the twins moved or there was a quiet noise and Taz lifted his head. He stirred and moved back down to the foot of the bed. Jason was still stretched out next to my legs. When Taz went by, Jason moved over to the other side of me. I patted the bed next to me and Taz came back. This time he crouched closer to me. I again rubbed and petted him. He slowed his breathing and put his head down again. I thought to myself "He's saying good bye to me. He's ready to go now." I felt a peaceful feeling come over me. I needed him to tell me it was okay. I needed to let him go. He stayed with me until I fell asleep sometime about 4:45. When I woke at 6:00, Taz was not there. I went back to sleep until almost 9:00. I never sleep that late.

When I got up I asked Charlie if everyone had been fed. He said yes, but Taz did not want to eat. Then I told Charlie that Taz had come to me early this morning and he and I had a silent "conversation" and that Taz was ready to go and I could now let him go. I was at peace with it.

Ever since Taz was diagnosed in July with lymphoma, I prayed that God would give ME the strength to let Taz go when he was ready and, if he was suffering, sooner. My Tazzy knew it would be hard for me and he helped me when he spent time with me this morning.

We took him to VSH at 1:00pm. We already had an appointment with Dr. Phillips to examine him. They took us into the "comfort room" where we held Taz in his blanket and talked to him and rubbed his face and head over and over. He was so relaxed.

When Dr. Phillips examined him, she felt the tumors, which had not gotten worse, but were the same as last week. The shot of chemo last week probably slowed it, but it was still there growing. He wasn't uncomfortable when she pressed his abdomen so maybe there was less fluid.

We made the decision to let Taz go. Dr. Phillips said we were at a borderline area where we could take Taz home and be with him longer, but it would probably be another week or so and he would really deteriorate. The lymphoma was making him feel really bad. His back legs were weak. Although he could jump up on the coffeetable or a chair, it was a struggle. This cat, just a few months ago, could jump up to a 6-ft. fence. That is, he could stand at the bottom, next to the fence and jump straight up! We've seen him.

Paula came in and gave Taz a mild sedative. His veins are hard to find and they didn't want to hurt him while trying to get the catheter in for the drugs. I held him in his blanket and told him that he was going to see Rowdy, Calvin, Chelsi and Grady. They would be happy to see him, unlike in life! Ha He would be whole again and happy.

When Taz left us and went to the "bridge", Adin wanted to make an imprint of his paw for us. Adin always called him "long, grey and handsome".

They wrapped Taz in his blanket and put him in a white box and we took him to the San Diego Memorial Pet Park.

Before we left him there, we stroked him and I rubbed his head and face for the last time. He was still warm and looked like he was asleep. Since he was always a light sleeper, I half expected him to lift his head when I touched him.

We will get Taz back next Friday.

More later........