There are some simple truths.....

and the dogs know what they are.
--Joseph Duemer

I was watching an episode of “Hoarders” tonight. I can only watch it once in awhile, because it just drives me crazy to see people pile up “junk” and then not be able to part with it. I mean, some of them have stuff that is piled up almost to the ceiling. They can’t use their kitchen, bathroom, livingroom and their bed may just be a little portion to sleep on. Some of these people are actually functioning, working people. I wonder how they can live in a house full of “junk” and still get up, get ready for work each day and go in to work.

I have my own issues as far as “hoarding”. It’s not the same as the TV show, but I can’t seem to let go of any of our pet’s belongings. We still have collars, toys, etc. for just about every pet we’ve had. I’ve still got a leash from “Brandy”, a dog I had years and years ago, and a collar from “Sparky”, a cat I had before I met Charlie. When I look at these “mementoes”, I can picture the pet they belong to, after all these years.

I know it’s crazy to some people, but to me it reminds me of the cat or dog who once wore the collar or ate from the bowl, or even used the litter box.

In a box, we have collars with their name tags for Rowdy, Calvin, and Chelsi. When we got Sheila, we didn’t have a collar for her, so we put Chelsi’s old collar on her until we could get a new one for her. One day she was very afraid and when we tried to hold her from running, she pulled and broke Chelsi’s collar. I have it in a box.

All of the cats have their own collars, which we call their “dresses”. Sometimes the collars have been lost in the yard and when we couldn’t find them, we replaced them. There have been times when a collar is lost and then that cat gets to wear a collar that doesn’t belong to him, until we can get him a new one. For instance, we’ve lost Jezibel’s collar. I’m not sure if we put it somewhere and can’t find it or it came off in the yard somewhere. Anyway, she has been wearing Ellie’s “dress” when she goes out, until we can get a new collar and tag for her.

When Grady suddenly died last February, for months I left his bed just the way it was when he died in it. His collar or “dress” was hanging on the hook by the door. No one was allowed to wear it because I was afraid that it might come off in the yard and get lost. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. It still hangs there.

Then Taz died in October and his “dress” hangs there. No one will ever be allowed to wear it. Eventually when I feel like I can, I will take Grady and Taz’s “dress” from the hooks and put them in a box. For now, I can’t move them.

Taz’s “room” is still as it was when he and I were sleeping there. We have taken his litter box out, but his table, which his little bed was on by the window, is still there. We took his food and water dish out and will probably take the table out next week. It’s hard though. Charlie feels the same, so it’s not just me.

I’ve seen movies where people lose children and leave their rooms just as they were before they died. I don’t remember being judgmental about it, but there was a time when I probably didn’t understand why they would do that. Now I understand. It’s hard to move on.

I am reading a book about coping with pet loss. I have never bought books like this before, but losing Taz was somehow different from any other loss I’ve experienced with a pet. I have taken this harder and I still have such a sadness when I think of him not being here. I miss him so much. I’m so lonely for him. The other cats are here and I love them and they love me. We just don’t have the same relationship that I had with Taz.

Taz was like a real person to me. He always looked into my eyes; he was always near me; when I stirred during the night, he was there; I lifted my head, he came up on my chest to have his head and face rubbed; he licked my hand and I “washed” his head with the palm of my hand; when I called his name he always came. When he wasn’t sitting near me, I knew he was not far away; I could always look around and he was watching me, never far away. When you have a presence like that for 11 years, whether it's a person or a pet, it’s hard to lose and I miss him terribly.

So, when I was watching the “Hoarders” show tonight, I started thinking of how I can kind of understand how these people keep things because they don’t want to lose those items that mean so much to them. But, at the same time, I get very impatient with the people who are trying to help them get rid of all of that “junk” they’ve collected. They let them hold on to trash, i.e. paper cups, empty boxes, etc. To me, it all looks like crap that needs to go.

I'm sure one day, someone will look at my cat and dog collars and wonder why I kept that “junk” and they’ll never know the stories behind them. But, hopefully, by that time, I’ll be somewhere where I won’t need the collars........I’ll have the real things....at least I hope so.

More later.........